Fuck Yeah, Art History!

Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire, Ilya Repin (Russian), 1880-1891, oil on canvas, 203 x 358 cm, State Russian Museum, Saint Petersburg. 
This painting commemorates one of the greatest burns of all time. The year is 1676, and the Zaporozhian Cossacks have defeated the Ottoman Turks in their homeland of Ukraine. Sultan Mehmed IV is not happy about this, and sends them a letter:


As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the Sun and Moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians—I command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.


To which the Cossacks replied:


Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!



Thou art a turkish imp, the damned devil’s brother and friend, and a secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight art thou that cannot slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou a son of a bitch wilt not ever make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.



Thou art the Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian villain, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, a fool before our God, a grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig’s snout, mare’s arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!



So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. Thou wilt not even be herding Christian pigs. Now we shall conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t have a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year in the book, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!



Koshovyi Otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.


Ouch.

Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire, Ilya Repin (Russian), 1880-1891, oil on canvas, 203 x 358 cm, State Russian Museum, Saint Petersburg. 

This painting commemorates one of the greatest burns of all time. The year is 1676, and the Zaporozhian Cossacks have defeated the Ottoman Turks in their homeland of Ukraine. Sultan Mehmed IV is not happy about this, and sends them a letter:

As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the Sun and Moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians—I command you, the Zaporozhian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.

To which the Cossacks replied:

Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

Thou art a turkish imp, the damned devil’s brother and friend, and a secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight art thou that cannot slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou a son of a bitch wilt not ever make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

Thou art the Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian villain, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, a fool before our God, a grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig’s snout, mare’s arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. Thou wilt not even be herding Christian pigs. Now we shall conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t have a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year in the book, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

Koshovyi Otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.

Ouch.

  1. thehabiru reblogged this from effyeaharthistory
  2. ratchetsoysauce reblogged this from effyeaharthistory and added:
    To which the Cossacks replied: Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan! Thou art a turkish imp, the damned devil’s...
  3. vilteofhope reblogged this from sparkleyparty
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  8. ratak-monodosico reblogged this from effyeaharthistory and added:
    Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire, Ilya Repin (Russian), 1880-1891, oil on...
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  12. the-fighting-temeraire reblogged this from effyeaharthistory and added:
    OH MY GOD CRYING WITH LULZ
  13. deusvolt reblogged this from effyeaharthistory
  14. hiddenmissives reblogged this from effyeaharthistory
  15. tigernmas reblogged this from effyeaharthistory
  16. tjblanxo reblogged this from effyeaharthistory and added:
    Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire, Ilya Repin (Russian), 1880-1891, oil on...
  17. flyaways reblogged this from effyeaharthistory
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  19. poetryof-reality reblogged this from effyeaharthistory and added:
    I LOVE COSSACKS.
  20. bedlamisthyname reblogged this from effyeaharthistory and added:
    Pig’s snout, mare’s arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother! sounds so much better than just...
  21. victusinveritas reblogged this from effyeaharthistory and added:
    I’ve always had a soft spot for Repin, especially for this painting… though…What Freedom! is probably my favorite piece...
  22. pseudo-tsuga reblogged this from effyeaharthistory
 




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